Confessions of a Purity Advocate
By Jesse Jost
I struggle with lust. I have found myself doing things that if I knew others were watching me, I would nearly die of shame. I know what it is like to feel that I am no longer in control, shocked at where I am headed. When I hear of another Christian leader falling prey to sexual scandal, I cannot judge them; I can only shudder at our mutual frailty. I have been terrified to look back and find that I was under some kind of spell, hungry for something that I normally would abhor.
Fighting when you don’t want to win
In most battles, the combatants want to win. What makes the battle against temptation so difficult is that when the battle is the fiercest, you no longer want to win. Fighting for a victory that you want to lose takes more willpower than most of us have. So I fall. Then I prayerfully knock off the dust and get up and keep fighting. Why? Is the battle for purity really that important?
In the middle of the struggle, our hideous enemy uses some kind of potent chemical warfare that causes us to forget the reasons this fight is important. I want to record why I fight for holiness. But first, I want to clarify what this purity struggle isn’t. Continue reading…
Tys • May 2, 2014
Jesse, great style of writing and well organized, you have a very compelling and engaging style of literature. It stems from the topics that you’re very passionate about, and I love how it translates a level of dedication to your work and life, simply through your words. Always great to read about you buddy
Jesse Jost • May 2, 2014
Thanks, Tyson. That means a lot!
annonymous wife • May 3, 2014
You are not alone in your fight. You are rare to admit it openly. It is needed to be talked about. The fight is far more common than any will admit. It is a fight that both my husband and I have. It took us years to confess to each other these struggles and talk openly. We have had to deal with a lot of pain from emotional/virtual infidelity. Some may not think that’s a big deal but truth be told it cuts just as deep. Jesus said if you lust after a woman in your heart you have already committed adultery with her. And it feels the same as flesh adultery in the marriage. It’s so agonizing, you think you have it beat and next thing you know you are down that road again. The Lord is good and does leave us a way out but am still always disgusted that we started down the path in the first place. And though I rarely hear of it, it is a struggle for us women too. It is an evil work that destroys trust in a marriage. I can’t even count the hours of agony I have spent alone mourning and nursing my wounded heart and pride from my husbands infidelity, then to be reminded my thoughts are no better, I just kept them inside and did not act on them. It is even embarrassing writing this little note about it. I am afraid someone might read it and recognize me. More so I am afraid they might get tripped up seeing a Christian fighting this. So thank you for being bold enough to take the first step. I pray it blesses others to admit the problems, and fight the devil and his cruel tactics. Turn your eyes upon Jesus.